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Belarus: TEO – Cheesecake

In the best national final so far (OK, only three to date), Belarus treated us to over an hour of musical oddities mixed with one or two competent ditties. I would have happily paid to watch this final if only to see Elena Sinyavskaya belt out Via Lattea! Moments like that don't come along often. Thank you Belarus! After a dubious televoting segment, the baton was passed to President Ale... *cough* the jury to decide the winner and Belarus' representative for Copenhagen. After an hour of interval acts, President Alexan... (nearly did that again!) [the jury] picked TEO to go to Copenhagen…

Review Overview

Song Appeal
Vocal Strength
Staging Potential
Likely Televote Appeal
Likely Jury Appeal
Historical Support Strength

Indigestible

Probably a euphemism for something equally as messy and sticky. Their chances are as crumbly as the biscuit base.

User Rating: 2.24 ( 18 votes)

In the best national final so far (OK, only three to date), Belarus treated us to over an hour of musical oddities mixed with one or two competent ditties. I would have happily paid to watch this final if only to see Elena Sinyavskaya belt out Via Lattea! Moments like that don’t come along often. Thank you Belarus!

After a dubious televoting segment, the baton was passed to President Ale… *cough* the jury to decide the winner and Belarus’ representative for Copenhagen.

After an hour of interval acts, President Alexan… (nearly did that again!) [the jury] picked TEO to go to Copenhagen with the song Cheesecake!

Right, let’s get the Robin Thicke comparisons out of the way now. Just because TEO looks like a 36 year old American-Canadian womaniser, it doesn’t make his dessert-based song any more palatable.

Thicke’s blurred Lines has a seductive and sultry rhythm with a catchy and memorable hook.  TEO’s Cheesecake is a 3-minute, low-rent, ego-boosting farce that only won thanks to its quirky title.  Without its association to pudding and the famous name-dropping, people would have dismissed the song as a flat, poorly structured entry with no hope of competing in Copenhagen.

That last statement is where my thoughts are at right now. It has no chance in its current form. Of course, whether Cheesecake – or TEO for that matter – makes it to Copenhagen is debatable given Belarus’ history in the contest.

The structure of the song lacks variety. It plods from verse to chorus to verse with little imagination.  The instrumentation is basic and sounds more like cabaret accompaniment than a professionally mastered track.  I’ve decided not to linger on those squidgy diarrhoea noises in the verses!

Regular visitors to ESCtips will understand my dislike of too many ooohhhs, aarrrrhhhhs – and in this case – do-do-do-dos.  It’s lazy writing and invariably falls foul of the international juries.

TEO is the single redeeming feature of this song.  He possesses the same on-screen charisma as Pasha Parfeny, who narrowly missed out on a top-10 finish for Moldova in 2012 with Lăutar.  Both songs have similar pacing, so maybe TEO can learn from Moldova’s living shrine to Edward Norton and inject some life into his Cheesecake.

Belarus do not like to make a habit of qualifying, and with a disappointing 30% success rate,  I wouldn’t be backing qualification at anything under 3.5 without first knowing the running order.

The smaller semi-finals should help Belarus, so at this point I remain open minded.

Does Cheesecake leave a bad aftertaste?

  • Qualification History
  • Final Performance
  • Allies
  • Official Video
Belarus joined Eurovision in 2004 and have qualified just three times in ten attempts. 30% qualification success.

Highest score: 176 (2007 – Dmitry Koldun, Work Your Magic)
Lowest score: 10 (2004 – Aleksandra and Konstantin, My Galileo)
Average semi-final finishing position: 13th
Average semi-final score: 21 points

Belarus has finished in the top-10 once in three final appearances.

Highest score: 145 (2007 – Dmitry Koldun, Work Your Magic)
Lowest score: 18 (2010 – 3+2, Butterflies)
Average final position: 15th
Average final score: 70 points

Average Points Received

Ukraine – 8.2
Russia – 7.0
Georgia – 6.8
Moldova – 6.7
Armenia – 5.2
Lithuania – 4.4

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9 comments

  1. All hilarity aside, something’s got to change about this song, because the EBU won’t allow a Google maps reference into the lyrics if San Marino are any example to go by. Since Belarus are so sensitive to changing songs, a little fault like that might just tip the committee over the edge and screw the whole thing up like a paper ball, and send something else. We’ll see.

  2. At one point I thought maybe Janet was going to pull it off.There were a few others who showed decent potential in the end.Via Lattea was a fantastic bit of schlager.
    Watching all the jury members one after the other hand TEO their votes turned the stomach though.
    How could even one jury member think he and the song deserved a vote,never mind all of them.?
    Under the new system I cant see any jury giving it any points.Its dead before it gets there.

  3. What is the genre of this song? All I know is that I really don’t like it. It looks and sounds cheap.

    1. Albania
    2. Ukraine
    3. Belarus

  4. Haha, Tim! 😀 #Laughing with not at Tim, cause Tim is a sweety! <3

    Anyway, I love how they are always one of the first to announce their entry, so that they have a shit-load of time to come up with the actual song they are going to send.

  5. Also, is he trying to “Blurred-Lines”-Robin-Thicke his way to victory?

  6. I’m not sure we’ve collectively put enough thought into this one. This performance from the Moscow party looks and sounds like it’s come a long way from the national final. Okay so it’s silly, but is it really that bad? The vocals are really quite good, especially towards the end.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIJZK3k_wMg

    I think I would like to know if the camera shows him tweaking his hair and looking vain in rehearsals and if those silly looking backing singers are still there or will they be dressed a bit differently. Maybe Teo will interact with a girl on stage? I dunno, I think this could surprise.

    • I know pimpin is quite interested in this entry Ben and thinks its underrated.Not sure if hes backed it in any way but hes usually pretty strong on picking out potential in these kind of entries.

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